Clubbing vs. motherhood: this may be a strange comparison to some people, but we’re here to tell you that they are actually the exact same thing — except for the fact that one is a lot more fun, obviously.
We’re no experts, but because we’ve noticed so many similarities between the two, we can say with the utmost confidence that clubbing really does prepare you for motherhood. Now let us share with you all the reasons why.…
1. You wake up in the morning feeling like you haven’t slept all night long, and that’s simply because you haven’t slept all night long. There also may or may not be someone in your bed, and quite honestly, you can’t remember how they got there or when they got there. When you’re a clubber, you’re praying that it’s the hottie you met at the bar. As a parent, you look over and you hope that it’s the good kid lying next to you.
2. There is usually a girl curled up in a corner somewhere bawling her eyes out. You’re not sure why she’s mad or if you’ve made her mad, but she’s definitely overemotional and inconsolable. Unfortunately for you, you have absolutely no idea what to say to her, and if you try to approach her, she will most likely scream at you.
3. Shots: there are lots and lots of shots. When you’re in the club, you’re throwing back shots of alcohol and living your best life. When you’re a parent, you’re downing shots of espresso and trying not to cry or pass out due to sleep deprivation.
4. It’s 100 per cent guaranteed that there will be drinks spilt on you, over you and around you. When it’s apple juice that you have to clean up on your way out the door to a meeting, it’s not OK. When you’re clubbing, it’s vodka, you don’t seem to care as much.
5. There is always someone running around with no pants, no top or no clothes at all. Always.
6. You don’t eat anything until the absolute last point in the evening, and then you stuff your face and scarf down as much as humanly possible. The more unhealthy, the better.
7. It’s so loud. You can’t hear anything, ever. You can’t even hear your own thoughts!
8. You will never go to the bathroom on your own, and there will most definitely be drama on the way there. Once you’re finally in the bathroom, there is always some kind of chit-chat that makes for even more drama.
9. It takes FOREVER to get out of the house. When you’re young, you spend all your time doing your hair and makeup. When you’re a parent, you spend all your time getting the kids ready.
10. Personal space … it just doesn’t exist. There is always someone touching you. When you’re clubbing, you want to be touched. HEYOOO! When you’re a parent, you want everyone off.
11. Someone is always barfing. True story. It smells like barf, it feels like barf. By the end of the day, someone has barfed … everywhere.
12. There is at least one person in the room who is doing something that is most definitely naughty and most likely nasty.
And there ya have it! All you young ones out there who are in the middle of your clubbing days, keep doing it! Do it every night. Do it all the time. Go wild. Honestly, it’s the best preparation you’ll ever get for motherhood.